Students loans have just hit accounts, and a couple of grand is burning a hole in your pocket for a blissful few days. But before you spend it on something sensible like food or rent, why not consider some other options?

As long as you are happy to sleep in someone’s porch and scavenge leftovers from the lecture hall bins, then the money is yours to blow as you see fit. Here’s what NOT to buy with your student loan in 2016:

A Classic Car - £2500

A Classic Car

http://www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C137321

If you’re good with your hands and watch too much Top Gear, then a clapped out banger with imaginary street cred could be yours! Every uni trip will be an adventure as you brave leaks, rust, damp and extended waits on the hard shoulder. Rather than looking like a gent with good taste and an appreciation of bygone days, your daddy issues will be on display for all to mock -especially if you also invest in driving gloves. On the upside, you won’t have to pay any road tax.

1000 Lottery Tickets - £2000

Lottery balls

The Jackpot could be yours! Lotto’s new odds are 45,057,474 to 1. With 1000 tickets in different combo’s, costing £2000, then we’ve reduced our odds to 1:45,057 (about the same as the threat of the asteroid Apophis hitting our planet in 2036) – Right?

Wrong! Each ticket, whatever the selection of numbers has exactly the same chance of corresponding to the numbers drawn. So, if the odds of one ticket winning are 1 in 45,057,474 then the odds that one of the two lottery tickets purchased are 1 in 45,057,474 minus 1, or 1 in 45,057,473. Buy 1000 tickets and you’re at 1 in 45,056,474. Not much of an edge.

A Retro Arcade Machine - £850

Retro arcade machines

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Time-Crisis-2-Namco-Arcade-Machine-Light-Gun-Game-/262229069783

OK – if you’re into this sort of thing, it WILL be pretty fun. But how will you MOVE it? Where will you PUT it? How much will repairs and parts cost? All these questions can be dealt with later as you blast away with an antique light gun that shoots a foot to the left of where you point it. But is all that time and effort worth it for a game that takes an hour to finish? For a cutting edge gaming experience at half the cost, why not opt for an Oculus Rift VR headset instead.

Cosmetic Surgery - £1000+

Cosmetic Surgery

Do you remember how you were obsessed with that thing and couldn’t think about anything else? And now, years later, it seems silly? It doesn’t matter if you’re thinking about a cute boy, cute girl, or Pokémon cards – imagine if you’d committed to it for life. The jury is still out as to whether the psychological benefits outweigh the costs and risk – if the benefits exist at all for those unhappy with the results.

Personally, I’d suggest looking elsewhere first to combat your body hangups – fitness, hobbies and friends. If you’re still feeling the urge for surge when your body and mind are in tip-top condition, be my guest. Just don’t blow your student loan on it.

A Round Of Drinks For The Whole Bar - £360

A Round Of Drinks For The Whole Bar

This grandiose show of wealth and generosity will establish you as the alpha in the group, someone to be respected and admired by all. Friends will flock to you and you’ll have to develop a system to handle the suitors queuing up at your bedroom door.

All of this will seem likely only if your entire grasp of social situations has been gained from bad western movies. In London a pint costs £3.60 on average, so your two grand loan will sate the thirst (temporarily) of a mere 555 people. The drunk ones won’t even remember. Instead establish your self-worth in a less-fleeting and cheaper way.

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Category

Student Life

Date Posted

19 October 2016